A letter to a friend.

Hey Alyssia,
It had been a long time since  I heard anything from you, so I had started to just wonder whats new in your life, how things are what you've been doing how college is, all that junk.
There havent been many days that pass that I dont think about you, you know, all the fun we had, days and laughs we shared. Yeah, like everyone, we had our bad days, but we always managed to get through it.
We'd put off school for hours at a time, trying every few minutes between messages to type a few words, read a few sentences or work out a problem, so we were still 'working' but usually it wasn't until late in the day and evening after we stopped talking that anything actually got done XD. I'd be your personal live-action DJ, we'd council each other, you'd turn into a ghost or something, we were so crazy, but it was all so good.
I still want to keep in touch with you, no matter what the case might be with your life, I still miss talking to you, all the fun we had :) Even if I dont hear from you again though, know that I'll never forget you.

 Its impossible to forget someone who gave you so much to remember.

Peace and hair grease Aly :)

Teach Me How To Live

Hey guys. :D

I've wondered for ages what to write here. I thought about it for a long time. And I came to this conclusion:  I may not have had many life-changing events, but I know people who have changed my life. If you’ll hear me, I’ll share a story.

I remember years ago, a lot of horrible things happened—my aunt died; I lost my best friend since Kindergarten; I had constant fights with my Mom; and I started getting very sick. Things sucked. There is no better word for it. I wanted to end it so badly….and almost did. But, I honestly wanted to have a future that I could remember. So I stayed.

I needed to talk to others who could help me get my mind off of things. I met a lot of really amazing people who warmed my heart every day. I loved them all. These folks saved my life.  :D But, I also met someone special. Actually, you all know him. If you scroll down, one of the very first posts he wrote was dedicated to someone named Alyssia. That’s me.

Anyway, I remember when we first started talking. He helped to cheer me up a bit. Our first conversations were funny and silly, and got better over time. We talked for ages every day. Heck, at one point I thought I talked to him more than I talked to my family! And even if I was gone for a while, it was like no time had passed.  Conversations would reach around dreams, struggles, growth, and always orbit around a beautiful song.  I was honored to be his friend and watch him grow every day.  It was one of the happiest times I know. Man, I was actually happy.  He made me happy. Everything was great!  

But eventually, I started to be afraid of the future.  There were times where he wanted to reach out to me…call me or more, but I would shoot down everything, because I didn’t want to get attached. I was afraid that at the rate I was going, I didn’t have a future.  I learned that I had Atrial fibrillation. It’s a fancy term that means the electrical currents in my upper part of my heart don’t work right. Because of this, my heart skips beats; I have such painful chest pain to the point where I feel weak, can’t breathe and faint… It’s really scary, especially when the episodes started happening more frequently…   I was afraid that one of these days an episode would be too much for body to handle.  I was very scared….and I couldn’t handle telling anyone….

So I started backing off. At first, it was honestly for other reasons, but I could never admit that….um… I didn’t know if tomorrow was guaranteed. I was afraid of dying. I’m not going to sugar-coat it. But he helped me look forward to living. He was such an angel in my life, and I never had the guts to tell him that. You know, it was so easy to feel alone in my own space. But messages from him always brought sunlight to my day. Even if I didn’t reply or couldn’t reply, 5 minutes of reading an email gave me enough strength for 5 weeks. I don’t think he’ll ever know how special he was to me. Even if I was too proud to admit it.

  It wasn’t until recently where someone reminded me that my force-field of protection can’t block out the people I love.  I realize that you have to live life no matter how long or short it is. Smile a little, laugh a lot. Dance around like a kid or put flowers in your hair.  Enjoy life while it’s here. I just wish that I would have realized that sooner.  I miss him more than I can say, and I hope he reads this.  But even if he doesn’t, at least I was able to write my heart out. 

You know, he never said this, but he taught me that sometimes, in our darkest moments….

…..being weak can help you see your strength.

Thanks for reading. :)

Peace and hair grease,

-Aly

A letter from a girl to the boy who hurt her.

Connor,

I don't understand why you did what you did you did to me. I hate what you did and what I lost because of it. What you did cost me so much. You took a half hour of my time and ruined so much of my plan. I HAVE SO MUCH ANGER. I WANTED TO STAY AT [insert university name] AND BE AN [insert sorority name] AND LEARN AND FALL IN LOVE AND BE HAPPY.

YOU TOOK THAT AWAY.

and you made it so hard for me to trust or feel or love again--and now that I'm in danger of trusting another guy I can't because I'm scared. And because of ME and because of YOU. I'm just so screwed up. I feel like a whore and a horrible person because of you. Because of you and John and my dad and all of the stupid men i my life that I try to hard to please for god knows what reason. I'm NOT a bad girl or a bad person. you TOOK ADVANTAGE OF MY INSECURITY and disrespected me. You took advantage of my fear and because of that I probably blew it with the first good guy to walk into my life in a very long time. I don't know why I can't help being so stupid with guys now. But I know that what happened with you wasn't my fault no matter how many times I tell myself that it was. And it's so sickening that I was so good to you. I didn't put you in prison or take you to court. I didn't even have you expelled. I JUST LEFT.  And all that time I spent with the police and in the hospital while you were just sitting in your dorm room--in the room that you hurt me in--sleeping on the same bed. You sat there while I was screaming in pain and were out with the guys when I drank my way into the emergency room. When I was sitting crumpled up in the corner after chapter meeting at the sorority....crying and terrified and unable to move. You were out somewhere with your brothers having a good time. And when I was lying awake at night to keep the nightmares away you were sleeping like a baby. Did you know that I kept my friends from kicking your ass? Did you know that I kept them from having you expelled for drug possesion? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I'VE LOST BECAUSE OF YOU? How does it feel to be a rapist. How does it feel to have that looming over you for the rest of your life.  If you get married someday, or have children.  Will they know what their father did? Will they know what he's capable of? That thought terrifies me. You terrify me. I terrify me.

I don't want to be the girl I've become. Sometimes I don't even want to be. The memories of what you did haunt me every day. I have to hide part of myself because of the scars you gave me. I hate you but I want to forgive you. I want to move on.

Audrey R

A couple of weeks ago I was feeling lonely and that something was missing inside me, like one piece of a puzzle missing and you can't find that piece. 

Days and days I thought about it and it got worse. My thoughts and mood grew darker inside. 

A time I thought about committing suicide and I was really going to do it. But one day I said it was enough. 

I was tired of feeling that way. I didn't want to be in Satan's hands again and be his puppet. 

So I prayed to God and I talked to Him about how I felt and He listened to my heart.

And as I held my hands together I didn't feel my other hand, I felt Jesus holding my hand.

I felt Him in me. He helped me realize that I had always loved and accepted Him. I just didn't accept real true happiness in Him.

When i felt Him holding my hand I smiled and it FELT SO GOOD. From that day I found true happiness and I knew I was never alone again.
Even in your darkest times. He is still with you. He will never leave you alone. You just have to make the choice to  

Go run to Him, talk to Him. And He will hold you in His arms. I promise you He will listen and answer you. 

Don't be afraid because you have nothing to be afraid. God will always protect you. You are His precious child. 

You are never alone, even when you think you are. He will wait for you to turn‏ around and run to Him. 

Jesus loves you more than anyone. Remember that.‏

Anonymous

My parents divorced when I was in the 3rd grade. It was really hard on me, especially since my mother was the one that got custody of my siblings and I. We moved in with her boyfriend a few weeks before the divorce was finalized. My mother was not really there for us, and my future step father was verbally abusive. Every day he would make us clean the house and take care of my new baby sister. He would scream at my face and tell me that I was hideous and that I would never amount to anything. That no one loved me.

A few months later, my aunt started watching us after school. My cousin was very spoiled and they would let him do whatever he wanted. He molested my brother and I. My brother doesn't remember because he was only about 3 or 4 years old, but I do. My mother just swept it under the rug and continued to have us around him after I told her. This continued for about two years. My Dad tried to tell the cops, but my mother used her connections to stop the case.

My mother put a restraining order against my father and put me on antidepressants. These ones were illegal for children under 18 to take and I was on the highest dosage. As a result, I was very depressed about not seeing my Dad and the pills made it worse. I became suicidal, and thought about it all the time. I tried to kill myself about 17 times in the 4 months that I couldn't see him.

I was finally allowed to see my Dad on my 10th birthday. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. I moved in with him a couple months later, but my mother took my little brother and my half-sister with her when they moved out of state. He remained with her until the death of my step father 2 years later.

It has been two years since then, and my mother has finally gotten her act together. She is engaged to this great man and they live out of state with my little sister. My brother had to move in with her again because he had tried to touch our little cousin. He still doesn't understand why he feels that way, and we strongly suspect that he was molested again by our other cousin who was just caught. I was so angry and hurt, that I didn't see him. I didn't come home until after he had been dropped off at the airport. It was so hard, and I didn't talk to him for a few months.

Despite all of this, God is great. He has allowed me to forgive my cousin and my step father. He has healed my wounds and allowed me to forgive my mother, who has done many more things than I have shared in this brief glimpse of my life. We have never had a relationship, and we still don't , but I am able to speak with her and no longer hate her. God has even allowed me to forgive my brother, who I now talk to again. He still doesn't understand, but I just pray that one day he will and he can get some help. I used to be an angry individual, a walking time-bomb if you will. I hold things inside until I can't take it anymore, and then explode on those closest to me. That is something that I am praying for Him to fix in me, and I know that if I am faithful, He will.

Alica M.

Where to start? I guess 8th grade. In 8th grade Sept. 24 2009 I found out my mother was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer and only 3 people had had it in the world and my mom was the 4th person and it was three days before my birthday I was turning 14. My mom told me she would be fine and that there were treatments and she’d get better. I went with her to every chemo appointment and doctor’s appointment because they were after school and she was the Spanish teacher at my school. In the winter of 8th grade she had a surgery to remove it. They thought everything was fine and she would soon be done with treatments. But in the next weeks she felt worse and went to the doctor again. They found that it grew back, and it was small enough that more chemo would help, my mom was gonna take graduation pictures that winter in case she didn’t have her hair in June, but she did. At the beginning of the summer my mom was strong and always happy doing well with chemo even though she had lost her hair but as the summer continued she started to become weaker each day. She broke her shoulder in August and she didn’t know why. She simply moved her arm like she had always. She went to another doctor’s appointment and it turns out that the cancer had grown and spread through multiple parts of her body. The doctor’s appointment was on September 24, 2010 once again three days before my birthday and I was going to be 15. On the 24th she sat me and my two sisters down and told us that there were no more treatments for it and that she was indeed going to die. I asked her how long she had and she said about 4 months. All I did was burst out and cry and ran into her arms. I thought it was a dream or more a nightmare but it was real life. She held me in her arms like she had many times before and said I’d be alright that I would make her proud. As time continued she became weaker and weaker. My mom’s brain was fine it was just her body that wasn’t working properly. The nurses came to our house to treat her because she refused to die in a hospital with strangers she wanted to die at home. Soon the cancer spread to her brain and she became very weak, she would breathe deep and slow breaths. My aunt stayed at my house from the beginning of October till when she passed on November 15, 2010. I remember the night before she passed very well. I prayed to God telling him that if he needed my mother back and he could take her, I didn’t want her to suffer anymore I felt the only reason she kept living was for my sisters and I. I talked to my sister waiting for the bus that morning and she said the same thing. That morning my mom was finally sleeping well and I didn’t want to wake her I just said “Bye Mom!” in nearly a whisper. I went to school and the Morning Prayer and it said “Those who have gone will always be with you no matter what.” I felt a pang of sadness through me. I went to first and second block just wanting to go home and hold her hand and be with her. But in the middle of second block my guidance counselor came in and said they needed me in the office. I got up shaking never have I ever been more scared in my life to walk down a hallway by myself. I walked into the office with my sister Sharon we looked at each other than the door opened and we saw my uncle Patrick with red eyes then my dad trying to keep calm, me and my sister looked at each other than my dad said words that no kid wants to hear he said “Mom passed this morning.” He wasn’t strong enough he cried and cried in the office so did me and my sister. We all sat there crying, me and my sister got up went to our lockers got our stuff and walked down the hallway together. We walked in silence but before we got back to the office she turned to me cause I said “How will I survive, I feel like I can’t live anymore.” She said “We’ll survive you always have me we’ll remember the good times, she wouldn’t want this.” And we continued on our way. We got in the car and got home. All my aunts and uncles were there. My one uncle who was with my dad told them all to get out of the house and go into the backyard and not to talk to me and my sister. I entered the house and dropped my stuff as I saw my mom’s body lifeless sitting in the chair she was in for the past month. I hugged her and cried in her arms like I did many times before. That week went by in a blur and to be honest I don’t remember much. I didn’t go to school that week and I knew it was my final goodbye the day of the funeral when they lowered her casket into the ground. The next few weeks went by in a blur my friends acted like nothing had happened for my sake but I was broken into a million pieces inside and slowly falling apart. I cried myself to sleep every night and no one knew that I broke down every night. I lost faith in God for that whole year I went to church once and a while but every time I got mad so I stopped. It’s been about a year and a half now since my mom passed and I’ve gotten a little better each day but I’m still broken inside. I have faith in God but only go to mass when my school has one during the day because I never have a ride to get to Church because my sisters are still mad.

I have weeks that are terrible and all I wanna do is cry but I put a fake smile on because people always seem to think that I’m always happy and to be honest even when I actually show I’m upset no one really notices or cares. I feel alone all the time but God is always there and it helps that I have one true friend who I can count on and vent too. She’s always there for me and I’m there for her. I’m there for everyone people know they can lean on me and vent to me any time. Keep your head up things change and we can’t do anything about them. But I’ve learned to be happy because if you spend your time being sad all the time you miss all the happiness you could be taking part in. To all those who’ve lost parents I understand what you go through every day when your friends say “Ask your parents,” then they correct themselves and say sorry. And to all the kids out there who’ve ever felt alone and that no one understands or cares, you’re wrong; people do care if you ever think they don’t just remember that I care and you are not alone.

Hey Everyone!!!

Hey everyone, forgive the lack of posts recently, there has been both a lack of material, and more impairing, an inability to log in due to Internet security blocks that have not been able to be circumvented yet. Blog creator Charles H. hopes to find a way around these technical issues soon and get back underway with posting but as for now, please be patient. Keep the stories coming!

Audrey R.

This story will really long because I'm putting all my heart and hope into it and urgeness. My life was a TOTAL HOT MESS when I wasn't seeing God and just didn't decide to listen. My parents broke up when I was only a few months old. I would sometimes see my dad but he stopped seeing me and started to ignore me around the age of 8. He never called to check up on me or say "Happy birthday!" or say "Merry Christmas" nothing. He ignored my texts or just didn't want to respond. When he would call me, which was really like once a year, he would promise that he would come and get me so we can spend time, but he never came to get me. As I grew older I startled to struggle with this situation and on top of that my grandpa was dying...so I became depressed. I would be so depressed that no matter how hard my closest friends would try to cheer my up I ended up hurting them and making them cry. And as usual, I thought that it was my fault that they were sad and not happy and smiling. So I started cutting myself on my arms. When I started this I liked the pain so I got addicted to it and started doing it more and more daily with broken glass that I would find. I was so sad that I thought everything was my fault: My dad ignoring me, making my friends sad, my grandpa's death, and trying not to be perfect for all the people I love. Some nights I would literally cry myself to sleep blaming God and asking Him why did He take my dad away and my grandpa. But then I slowly started to realize that it wasn't God's fault... it was my dad's choice and my grandpa's time to leave.
That's when I grew numb. I hated everything I didn't deserve friends that loved and cared for me. I thought bout committing suicide I even thought bout pills over choking my self in my closet or jumping off of roof. But I could never do it. Then when I started going to my high school (Bloomington Christian WOOOO Ravens!) I saw how much I loved God and worshiped Him. I love going to chapel, and everyday I grew more thirsty and hungry for God. But the person that gave that extra push was my bible teacher. She urged and urged me and finally I gave in, I accepted God. I knew He would love me FOREVER and will NEVER ignore me. How do i know this...by experience. Every time when I thought about committing suicide or drinking it was God who helped change my mind and kept me from making those stupid mistakes. I am blessed because He never left me and His voice was always in my mind. The Lord loves and cares for us. As powerful as God is He could take your life right now.....but you know what's stopping him, His love for you. if you don't, then ask why hasn't he taken your life yet, He loves you and his giving you MILLIONS OF CHANCES. So why ignore his call??

Will S.

Around the time I turned eight, my parents divorced. Not gonna lie here, that hurt. I became a Christian, or at least started calling myself one, when I was around 12. I didn't really attend church all that much until I was fifteen, which, coincidentally, was when I hit the beginning of my depression. Girls, grades, and a social life heaped a ton of depression and sadness on me and I started thinking, weekly, of suicide. Every day was a struggle, and last year it was the worst. Every time I was near a high place I thought about jumping, every time I saw something sharp I wanted to slit my wrists. Nightly, I cried for about two hours into my pillow and begged God to kill me. Nightly, he didn't. I took matters into my own hands a few times by trying to hang myself. That didn't work. I had this huge hole inside me and I couldn't fill it with anything. I tried drinking, I got into some bad crowds, I did everything you can imagine to try and fill that hole but the only thing I found that worked was God. Gradually I came out of my depression through church, being in the band, and exploring my relationship with God to it's fullest. Today I can say that, even though depression is still a day to day struggle, I have someone who I can lean on when the pain hits a new level. I owe my life to Christ and my salvation, and don't want to ever see anybody go through that kind of pain again. So, I try to share my faith and the awesome relationship I have with God. This is me, this is my relationship with Christ, and this is my story. And it's 100% true. 

Addam J. H.

Three years ago...wow, I can't believe it's been three years...I was still grieving over the rather gruesome death of my best friend and faithful companion, my dog, Donny. Three years ago, I never expected for love to find me, and not on a church retreat. But, lo and behold, there it was, sitting at the table in front of me.

We had gone up to Thousand Oaks, to CLU for a retreat, and all of us were going to "workshops" in the classrooms. The rest of my group went to this weird workshop, but I went, by myself, to a workshop where I was allowed to meet the members of the band that would play that weekend (and that I had already heard before, DSM).

Okay, so I was in this workshop, and this girl, along with her friend, walk into the room. As usual, I say hi, and ask her name, and I strike up a conversation, but this time, it's different... I...was nervous.

It may have something to do with the fact that she giggled a bit, but I think it was much more than that. Throughout the workshop, we looked at eachother, back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth.

Well, after the workshops ended, we parted and I went back to what I was doing before, which was hanging with my friends. I told them about her, but they didn't believe me, until she showed up in the church service later that evening. (BTW, I'm a hardcore Christian, so if anyone doesn't like God, or Christ, skip this. You'll hate it. Everyone else, keep reading.) She walked in, and I...sat next to her. I had never done that with any girl before.

After the service, there was a carnival of sorts, and we walked over there, hand-in-hand, side-by-side. Throughout the night, we mainly just sat around, talking and sometimes cuddling. I honestly never expected that to happen. I know it's not as exciting as some might have though it would be, but for me, this was one of my happiest moments. Up until now, I had been plagued by the pain of my dog's death, but now, I felt as though God had suddenly said:"ENOUGH".

Although our "romance" lasted a very short time, I will remember it always, not as some sort of a non-sexual-fling, but as my first, and perhaps only, encounter with an Angel. I know it seems a bit corny, but I just feel that she was sent to me, to help me move on. Now, as a senior, my thoughts drift back once in a while to that night, but it has also taught me to move forward. I now realize that, although sometimes friendships and love can be short-lived, the feelings they create will last forever.

To me, Angel will always be spelled with an "i" on the end, (her last name), and, yes, this is corny, but every word of it is true, and every feeling expressed was felt by yours truly.

If you don't believe me, think about the last time you saw an angel. Did he or she have wings and a white robe, or did they look like a normal person?

Taylor M.

You know that moment when you think everything in life is going amazing then you're at such a low point in life you finally look in the mirror? I was a drug addict to heroine and cocaine at the same time. My ex boyfriend got me into it and we shot up all the time. Sad life really. You sleep, wake up, eat, throw up what you ate, shoot up, then lay around numb. You literally are a walking breathing zombie. No thoughts. No emotion. Just....gone. May 17th i remember the day so clearly. I had gone over to his house and he had gone downtown earlier and gotten us a few ounces of cocaine and twenty shots of heroine. I had shot up with him and did four lines of coke then I had to go to the bathroom. I stayed in that bathroom for two hours and he was so gone that he didn't notice. As I sat there in that bathtub bawling my eyes out I got this random text from this random person. I didn't even recognize the number, but all it said was "Jesus loves you!" I stumbled out of the tub and looked at myself in that single paned glass mirror...what have I done to myself. That moment being able to look at what a mess I was really lowered my thinking and caused me to think about life. I quit the drugs, did some self rehab, and got back on my feet. Really life is sorta a mirror if you think about it. Whatever you do in your life it really reflects on yourself...just make sure you look at the mirror and see what you can change about yourself to be everything that you can to live life to the fullest.

Emily C.

It’s hard to see how good I have it sometimes. I tend to take for granted many of my talents, accomplishments, and gifts. The other day, however, I saw something that really opened my eyes. My teammates and I were volunteering to time at a YMCA swim meet, which is a long and tedious task. Basically it means standing for hours on end on a hot and stuffy pool deck continuously getting soaked by the splash of the next swimmer hitting the water as you press a button on a stop watch over and over. I was getting a bit grumpy as the time wore on and at one point during the meet there was a long pause in between events. I looked around to see what was holding everything up. In the farthest lane from me a woman was leaning over the edge of the pool holding a young girl’s arm to the wall. It was the girl’s only arm. In fact, it was her only limb. The announcer started the race and the woman pushed the girl gently from the wall and the girl began to swim. She could not have been more than 10 years old, yet this girl, with no legs and only one arm, was swimming two lengths of the pool backstroke. It took her twice as long as the other swimmers but she finished. The whole pool was cheering and I’m sure over half the people there had tears in their eyes. It was the most inspiring race I have ever seen.

Mary P.

This story is very long, but an incredible turnaround in the life of a young teenage girl.
When i was about ten years old my dad found out he had arsenic poisoning in his foot and he had to go to the hospital.
At the hospital the doctors also found out that my father was a diabetic, from then on things didn't go to well.
My father stayed in the hospital for seven or eight months straight and my brother Charles, sister Ann, and I were not allowed on the floor to visit him; my mother stayed with him and would come back and see us as often as she could (on average...about twice a month).
our family was always caring, loving, faithful, happy, trusting, and very very close....we were a 'family'.
When my father got back from the hospital i noticed something about him...He had changed, he was starting to be different, as time went on my father changed from a happy awesome loving daddy into a 'father' a figure, a man that just told you to do something and if you didn't do it right away and His way you were in big trouble.
I started to dislike my father inside, my heart didn't like my father anymore, however i still loved him but didn't truly like him.

About four..... four and a half years had passed, I began to be mad at him (not showing him or anyone my anger, I bottled it inside instead.) for his cussing at my mom and siblings when they didn't do what he wanted (not meaning to, mostly they just forgot), forgetting to do our chores when we were suppose to; usually he wouldn't yell  but not anymore, our father would yell and cuss and call us names especially my sister Ann, He also would loudly argue with my mom in the evening over financial matters, with having the hospital bills to pay and living on my fathers social security check we weren't rich in money, we were probably medium class.
I used to cry myself to sleep, I tried to tell Him how I was feeling but He never listened and He didn't care.
I wanted to help my mom be strong so i would pray to God to help her (my mom was and still is such an amazingly strong christian, so faithful.) so I told God i would sacrifice (this was where i was wrong, where i failed her and most importantly i failed God and myself) my blood for her happiness as Jesus died for us so......I would cut myself, very light at first but then as days passed i would cut more often i felt like it was good, it did actually made me feel better, I felt like I was releasing my anger and stress when i cut.

Almost two years of crying myself to sleep every night, cutting myself everyday, wanting to die each moment that i was around my father, taking his yelling, cussing, putting people down, threatening to hit, and being so mean (especially to my mommy) and listening to his lectures on school and music about how if he didn't teach us we wouldn't learn anything.
After three weeks of cutting, I wanted to die from hurting myself and feeling so guilty and trapped and not having a way out, being home-schooled didn't help because i had no one to talk to, no friends, just God and sometimes I couldn't even talk to Him (I felt to bad, to selfish, and to mean).
My siblings (even though i tried) they weren't close to me, they weren't going through what i was because they all found ways out.
I tried to kill myself about twenty-seven times in two years....just two years.....I either never went through with it or....it just didn't work.....I tried taking ibuprofen overdoses (like thirty or more pills at a time) but i always woke up and barely felt different, aside from a bad stomach cramp and being tired, also I tried walking in front of cars (making it look like an accident) but the cars would always stop right in front of me, i tried not eating for about two weeks but it didn't work, I hit my head against a wall with frustration at my father, at me for being such a loser, and at God for not answering my prayers and not being with me (i was wrong, i was just too wrapped up in a mess to feel God there) and i banged my head even after i was dizzy and totally hurting, I hit my head until i passed out hoping to die from some type of brain damage but that didn't work either...i woke up like seventeen hours later and I didn't even have a headache.


After finding about three true friends who really cared, listened, loved me, trusted me and were there for me.....I started wondering if God really was listening.....I asked God one thing......To prove to me that He really was there and is here, to show me he carried me (as a song said, 'He will carry me') when i couldn't walk and picked me up when I fell down and was always there throughout my life.
I asked God to prove He was real by showing me a miracle, I prayed one evening to God asking the Lord to please show me a miracle. There was a man who recently started coming to our church, He was asking prayer for His stage 4 cancer and the doctors said he would die sometime within 2-6 months (two to six Months) and we all prayed for him, His name is Sean.

After about two to four months of praying for Sean to be touched by Christ and made whole and healed, Sean walked up in church on January first of 2012 on Sunday morning and said "The doctors test results have come back and are positive, my cancer is gone!"
My month dropped open and my eyes widened with amazement, my heart started beating fast and I felt something strange but awesome come over me (the presence of God), there in my mind echoed my own voice saying 'show me a miracle, show me a miracle" over and over and right then... I knew, I knew that Sean was my miracle!!     God healed Sean! and I have no doubt about it! I started crying and I ran up to the alter and started crying and pouring my heart out to God and asked Christ to help me, make me whole, forgive me, save me, take me back! and I thanked him for carrying me when I needed Him all my life, I instantly knew that God was and is real!
God never let go of me, even though I let go of Him many times.....Jesus never let me go, I also knew that Jesus picked me up and loved me and believed in me!
Since that day I have had a hunger and thirst for Christ like never before!! I read the bible every night! I seek God at my churches alter every Sunday and Wednesday, and I pray all day everyday.
Now I know, I believe, I trust, I hope, I live for, and I stand up for and I love the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost!
God is so awesomely amazing indescribably wonderful and loving!
Jesus Christ died for this world, for you! for me! and the power of the Holy Ghost moves on us and makes us feel the presence of God all around us! If we open our hearts....our minds then Christ will come into our hearts and stay, He will make a place for our souls in Heaven! He will run to us...as we run to Him, He will embrace us, love us and help us in life!  :) <3 (:
I choose to follow the Lord God, No Matter What! :D Because through my life I have overcome by the blood of the lamb, the word of God and the presence of the Holy Ghost!
I know my God was for me and nothing stopped me! My God is still for me and always will be! If my God is with me than nothing in this world will ever stop me from doing what God has planned for me!
So what are you waiting for? If you are not saved then I challenge you to take the first step towards God.......Believe..In Him.......Love Him.......and Ask Jesus into your heart........all you have in this world will fade away, It will pass..... but God and His love will never EVER ever die!

Zachia

It was September 23,2011 i still remember it like it was yesterday. Me and my sister was at a hotel in Indiana my family and I were visiting her in college and we decided to go swimming... so after a while the pool got crowded with kids.. so me and my sister went to the shallow end because we cant swim.... 20 minutes later we saw someone at the bottom of the pool in 5ft we didn't know if he was playing or not s we just went back to what we were doing and 10 minutes later he was still there and my sister got scared and ran out of the pool but i went over there to see what was wrong and i felt something bad was happening.. then a girl said ''Someones drowning'' and without second guessing i went down there to get him... it was hard because i cant swim or see underwater (5ft is above my neck since I'm so short ) but i finally got a hold to him and immediately did CPR on him ( i learned from watching TV ) i was scared that he was gonna die and wished that i could have gotten him earlier when we first saw him, he was so little..... so there were some nurses in the hotel that came over and helped... after a while the paramedics came and took him.... he was rushed to another hospital in another city because his lungs was completely filed with water.. the next day we called the parents and they told us that e is doing great...( he's 3 years old) i still have dream about that and it feels so real... I'm just glad i was there to help him

Holly

I struggled with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and Anxiety and panic disorder since I was 7. So bad that for a year straight I wouldn't leave my house, because every time I did I would have an anxiety attack which would escalate into full blown panic attack, and I was afraid of the fear and panic. After a year I just got tired of it and went to the doctor and got on an anti anxiety medication. Six years went by and it just stopped working. My fear and panic came back 10 times worse than it ever was before, that time around it felt like I was looking fear right in the face. Not any particular fear, but fear its self. I would have panic attacks that lasted 6 hours, because of this fear.
However that time around I wasn't going to give into my fear, I fought it, I fought it and fought it and fought it, but it just wasn't leaving. This fear was so overwhelming I thought it was going to crush the life out of me. One day after a panic attack that lasted for about 2 hours and still going, I just gave up and got into my bed, I knew this one was going to kill me, I just knew it. After laying in my bed for a few minutes, in such a panic I was getting physically sick. The Lord said, "Are you done fighting this? Are you at the end of yourself yet? If you are, what do you have left to lose than to just trust me...'
So I said "you're right Lord. I'm done fighting this, and no matter if this panic attack lasts the rest of my life I'm going to trust You. No matter if this kills me, I trust You with my life."

That was the moment of my total freedom from panic and anxiety. That moment changed my life forever.

Audrey R.

I have an amazing wonderful teacher. She's the reason I became Christian again and helped me put my faith back in God. My teacher had a harsh life living around people that drink and do bad things and didn't have God in them. One day she didnt come to school and the whole class was wondering why she didn't come to school. The substitute teacher had told us that someone in her family had died. We were all sad for her. The next day my teacher came back to school and told us all that her cousin had died in a snowboarding accident. All day she looked really sad. We would often tell her that everything was okay and that she was with God, but I know that her family was feeling a lot of pain losing her.
As I noticed day by day, she never lost her faith in God. She still prayed and worshiped God. I was really amazed by how much she trusted God and never turned her back on God. I guess God has a plan for all of us we just have to believe and trust in Him. In all that bad that happened with her cousin's death, her family turned to God and felt happier than ever. Never forget to encourage those around you and remind them to never give up.

Charles H. (Blog Creator)

The thing that changed my life, was meeting my best friend, Alyssia. I had just ran off from a lot of bad stuff i was doing in my life, and she was at her lowest. We had no idea that the day I helped her spiritually would lead to a blossoming friendship.
what changed my life, was loosing my best friend Alyssia. It tore me to pieces the two times i fell for her and pulled away. To this day, I wish i could have followed through with the ideas I had for the two of us. I screwed up and it ruined our friendship. the patches ive tried to apply seem to fail and fall off too easily.
I still hold out hope that what we once had will someday return, it made me a much better person, talking to her. She'll always have a special place in my heart, whatever comes in this world.
I just hope she keeps a place open for me to return to someday.
What changed my life, was creating this blog where people can pour out their souls for the world to see, so the world can finally understand what torment every single human being goes through on a daily basis.

What will change your life?

Sara H.

Today, I ran into someone from my past, and the encounter really shook my world.

I ran into my HS crush  from about 4 years ago. At that time, I was a freshman, he was a senior. Cute blond, blue-eyed boy, with a huge smile.

Four years later, I ran into him on the street. I honestly thought it was a hobo going to ask me for money. I was shocked when he asked me “You’re Job’s sister right? You don’t remember me, huh?” I blurted out his name. How could I forget him?

He approached me. He was rugged, and looked very worn out. The way he talked to me… he had changed. He told me he had seen me around but never wanted to say hi because he was afraid I wouldn’t remember him. I did remember him, but not like this.

Guys, believe me when I say this. DRUGS MESS UP YOUR LIFE….This boy graduated, and went to a really good university, our state university. But then he got involved with drugs, and bye-bye to his bright future…And now he came back to his hometown, to live the life of a bum.

I hope one day those beautiful blue eyes may shine once again…and the boy I had a crush on can come back.

Madii W.

Rugby was my life. I had been playing for a year, but I was obsessed. And, I was good enough, too. Good enough to get emails from the provincial team asking me to try out. I thought I had it all figured out. Captain of the team during highschool, Team Ontario before graduation, Team Canada by first year of University, and 2016 Olympics for rugby 7s.

I'll admit, I made a little trophy case in my mind for rubgy. It was very high up in my respect and mind. I still loved God, went to church, taught Sunday School, and went to youth group. But rugby was everything else.

It was during a 7s tournament (sevens is a version of rugby which is normally played with 15 players), and I was doing pretty good. Scored some tri's, played almost every game the whole time.

I felt on top. And that's when I got hurt. I got a concussion. For those of you who have never had a concussion, its hard to understand what it's like.

It was explained to me as being shoved into having a mental failure.

I don't have normal emotions like everyone else, and little things can set me off. I can't read very well anymore, though I'm in an arts school for literature. I was basically kicked out of society and sent to bed for weeks.

I couldn't read, couldn't do puzzles, couldn't train for the olympics.

I felt like the living dead.

My accident was in October and it is now January and I'm still in recovery. My head still hurts daily but I'm starting to excercise again, little by little.

The thing with a concussion is that it is more than an injury. I honestly feel daily that Satan attacks me.

Nobody could have warned me how much depression, anxiety, and pain I feel emotionally from this.

I went from relying on my own physical skills,

to relying on nothing

The crazy thing through this is, through prayer and meditation, I;ve gotten more oppurtunities for the olympics, as well as God has shown me what he wants/needs me to do.

So here I am. I'm going to try my hardest for 2016. I may be a little behind but I'm have God behind me.

And after that, I'm going to be a youth leader.

If there's anything someone could learn from me, it'd be to love and trust God fully. And when your life feels over, He will show you. He knows what He's doing

Welcome

This blog... How do I explain? I'm not entirely certain. The stories you will read here are stories to uplift others, how a person's life or view of the world and circumstances was changed entirely in a few minutes. I want to share these kinds of stories with everyone, because they hold so much meaning, but they're not well-known. Stories of former drug addicts, who found a way out. Stories of people who met old friends or relations, who in a few years changed entirely in lifestyle, by a few good or bad habit. People need to read these stories, share them with friends, the world is turning faster than we think... and we cannot afford to become complacent with it as it is. Please put your story in the comments, or email it to me at xx.dragon.rider.xx@gmail.com. These stories of how your life was changed, will change the lives of others. I want to start a chain reaction that wont die out until the end of time. Help me light the spark to set the flame, wont you?