Mary P.

This story is very long, but an incredible turnaround in the life of a young teenage girl.
When i was about ten years old my dad found out he had arsenic poisoning in his foot and he had to go to the hospital.
At the hospital the doctors also found out that my father was a diabetic, from then on things didn't go to well.
My father stayed in the hospital for seven or eight months straight and my brother Charles, sister Ann, and I were not allowed on the floor to visit him; my mother stayed with him and would come back and see us as often as she could (on average...about twice a month).
our family was always caring, loving, faithful, happy, trusting, and very very close....we were a 'family'.
When my father got back from the hospital i noticed something about him...He had changed, he was starting to be different, as time went on my father changed from a happy awesome loving daddy into a 'father' a figure, a man that just told you to do something and if you didn't do it right away and His way you were in big trouble.
I started to dislike my father inside, my heart didn't like my father anymore, however i still loved him but didn't truly like him.

About four..... four and a half years had passed, I began to be mad at him (not showing him or anyone my anger, I bottled it inside instead.) for his cussing at my mom and siblings when they didn't do what he wanted (not meaning to, mostly they just forgot), forgetting to do our chores when we were suppose to; usually he wouldn't yell  but not anymore, our father would yell and cuss and call us names especially my sister Ann, He also would loudly argue with my mom in the evening over financial matters, with having the hospital bills to pay and living on my fathers social security check we weren't rich in money, we were probably medium class.
I used to cry myself to sleep, I tried to tell Him how I was feeling but He never listened and He didn't care.
I wanted to help my mom be strong so i would pray to God to help her (my mom was and still is such an amazingly strong christian, so faithful.) so I told God i would sacrifice (this was where i was wrong, where i failed her and most importantly i failed God and myself) my blood for her happiness as Jesus died for us so......I would cut myself, very light at first but then as days passed i would cut more often i felt like it was good, it did actually made me feel better, I felt like I was releasing my anger and stress when i cut.

Almost two years of crying myself to sleep every night, cutting myself everyday, wanting to die each moment that i was around my father, taking his yelling, cussing, putting people down, threatening to hit, and being so mean (especially to my mommy) and listening to his lectures on school and music about how if he didn't teach us we wouldn't learn anything.
After three weeks of cutting, I wanted to die from hurting myself and feeling so guilty and trapped and not having a way out, being home-schooled didn't help because i had no one to talk to, no friends, just God and sometimes I couldn't even talk to Him (I felt to bad, to selfish, and to mean).
My siblings (even though i tried) they weren't close to me, they weren't going through what i was because they all found ways out.
I tried to kill myself about twenty-seven times in two years....just two years.....I either never went through with it or....it just didn't work.....I tried taking ibuprofen overdoses (like thirty or more pills at a time) but i always woke up and barely felt different, aside from a bad stomach cramp and being tired, also I tried walking in front of cars (making it look like an accident) but the cars would always stop right in front of me, i tried not eating for about two weeks but it didn't work, I hit my head against a wall with frustration at my father, at me for being such a loser, and at God for not answering my prayers and not being with me (i was wrong, i was just too wrapped up in a mess to feel God there) and i banged my head even after i was dizzy and totally hurting, I hit my head until i passed out hoping to die from some type of brain damage but that didn't work either...i woke up like seventeen hours later and I didn't even have a headache.


After finding about three true friends who really cared, listened, loved me, trusted me and were there for me.....I started wondering if God really was listening.....I asked God one thing......To prove to me that He really was there and is here, to show me he carried me (as a song said, 'He will carry me') when i couldn't walk and picked me up when I fell down and was always there throughout my life.
I asked God to prove He was real by showing me a miracle, I prayed one evening to God asking the Lord to please show me a miracle. There was a man who recently started coming to our church, He was asking prayer for His stage 4 cancer and the doctors said he would die sometime within 2-6 months (two to six Months) and we all prayed for him, His name is Sean.

After about two to four months of praying for Sean to be touched by Christ and made whole and healed, Sean walked up in church on January first of 2012 on Sunday morning and said "The doctors test results have come back and are positive, my cancer is gone!"
My month dropped open and my eyes widened with amazement, my heart started beating fast and I felt something strange but awesome come over me (the presence of God), there in my mind echoed my own voice saying 'show me a miracle, show me a miracle" over and over and right then... I knew, I knew that Sean was my miracle!!     God healed Sean! and I have no doubt about it! I started crying and I ran up to the alter and started crying and pouring my heart out to God and asked Christ to help me, make me whole, forgive me, save me, take me back! and I thanked him for carrying me when I needed Him all my life, I instantly knew that God was and is real!
God never let go of me, even though I let go of Him many times.....Jesus never let me go, I also knew that Jesus picked me up and loved me and believed in me!
Since that day I have had a hunger and thirst for Christ like never before!! I read the bible every night! I seek God at my churches alter every Sunday and Wednesday, and I pray all day everyday.
Now I know, I believe, I trust, I hope, I live for, and I stand up for and I love the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost!
God is so awesomely amazing indescribably wonderful and loving!
Jesus Christ died for this world, for you! for me! and the power of the Holy Ghost moves on us and makes us feel the presence of God all around us! If we open our hearts....our minds then Christ will come into our hearts and stay, He will make a place for our souls in Heaven! He will run to us...as we run to Him, He will embrace us, love us and help us in life!  :) <3 (:
I choose to follow the Lord God, No Matter What! :D Because through my life I have overcome by the blood of the lamb, the word of God and the presence of the Holy Ghost!
I know my God was for me and nothing stopped me! My God is still for me and always will be! If my God is with me than nothing in this world will ever stop me from doing what God has planned for me!
So what are you waiting for? If you are not saved then I challenge you to take the first step towards God.......Believe..In Him.......Love Him.......and Ask Jesus into your heart........all you have in this world will fade away, It will pass..... but God and His love will never EVER ever die!