My parents divorced when I was in the 3rd grade. It was really hard on me, especially since my mother was the one that got custody of my siblings and I. We moved in with her boyfriend a few weeks before the divorce was finalized. My mother was not really there for us, and my future step father was verbally abusive. Every day he would make us clean the house and take care of my new baby sister. He would scream at my face and tell me that I was hideous and that I would never amount to anything. That no one loved me.
A few months later, my aunt started watching us after school. My cousin was very spoiled and they would let him do whatever he wanted. He molested my brother and I. My brother doesn't remember because he was only about 3 or 4 years old, but I do. My mother just swept it under the rug and continued to have us around him after I told her. This continued for about two years. My Dad tried to tell the cops, but my mother used her connections to stop the case.
My mother put a restraining order against my father and put me on antidepressants. These ones were illegal for children under 18 to take and I was on the highest dosage. As a result, I was very depressed about not seeing my Dad and the pills made it worse. I became suicidal, and thought about it all the time. I tried to kill myself about 17 times in the 4 months that I couldn't see him.
I was finally allowed to see my Dad on my 10th birthday. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. I moved in with him a couple months later, but my mother took my little brother and my half-sister with her when they moved out of state. He remained with her until the death of my step father 2 years later.
It has been two years since then, and my mother has finally gotten her act together. She is engaged to this great man and they live out of state with my little sister. My brother had to move in with her again because he had tried to touch our little cousin. He still doesn't understand why he feels that way, and we strongly suspect that he was molested again by our other cousin who was just caught. I was so angry and hurt, that I didn't see him. I didn't come home until after he had been dropped off at the airport. It was so hard, and I didn't talk to him for a few months.
Despite all of this, God is great. He has allowed me to forgive my cousin and my step father. He has healed my wounds and allowed me to forgive my mother, who has done many more things than I have shared in this brief glimpse of my life. We have never had a relationship, and we still don't , but I am able to speak with her and no longer hate her. God has even allowed me to forgive my brother, who I now talk to again. He still doesn't understand, but I just pray that one day he will and he can get some help. I used to be an angry individual, a walking time-bomb if you will. I hold things inside until I can't take it anymore, and then explode on those closest to me. That is something that I am praying for Him to fix in me, and I know that if I am faithful, He will.
