Audrey R.

This story will really long because I'm putting all my heart and hope into it and urgeness. My life was a TOTAL HOT MESS when I wasn't seeing God and just didn't decide to listen. My parents broke up when I was only a few months old. I would sometimes see my dad but he stopped seeing me and started to ignore me around the age of 8. He never called to check up on me or say "Happy birthday!" or say "Merry Christmas" nothing. He ignored my texts or just didn't want to respond. When he would call me, which was really like once a year, he would promise that he would come and get me so we can spend time, but he never came to get me. As I grew older I startled to struggle with this situation and on top of that my grandpa was dying...so I became depressed. I would be so depressed that no matter how hard my closest friends would try to cheer my up I ended up hurting them and making them cry. And as usual, I thought that it was my fault that they were sad and not happy and smiling. So I started cutting myself on my arms. When I started this I liked the pain so I got addicted to it and started doing it more and more daily with broken glass that I would find. I was so sad that I thought everything was my fault: My dad ignoring me, making my friends sad, my grandpa's death, and trying not to be perfect for all the people I love. Some nights I would literally cry myself to sleep blaming God and asking Him why did He take my dad away and my grandpa. But then I slowly started to realize that it wasn't God's fault... it was my dad's choice and my grandpa's time to leave.
That's when I grew numb. I hated everything I didn't deserve friends that loved and cared for me. I thought bout committing suicide I even thought bout pills over choking my self in my closet or jumping off of roof. But I could never do it. Then when I started going to my high school (Bloomington Christian WOOOO Ravens!) I saw how much I loved God and worshiped Him. I love going to chapel, and everyday I grew more thirsty and hungry for God. But the person that gave that extra push was my bible teacher. She urged and urged me and finally I gave in, I accepted God. I knew He would love me FOREVER and will NEVER ignore me. How do i know this...by experience. Every time when I thought about committing suicide or drinking it was God who helped change my mind and kept me from making those stupid mistakes. I am blessed because He never left me and His voice was always in my mind. The Lord loves and cares for us. As powerful as God is He could take your life right now.....but you know what's stopping him, His love for you. if you don't, then ask why hasn't he taken your life yet, He loves you and his giving you MILLIONS OF CHANCES. So why ignore his call??